Recovery.

Couch to 5K, hedgehog hair and my rebirth. Everything that I've done since treatment.

Guess who's back. It's been almost 2 months since my last treatment in America and since returning to the UK I feel as though I have been reborn.

Of course, there are still days were I feel tired and depressed for no good reason (other than I've just endured 9 months of chemo and proton therapy) and I'm very very bored of having short hair that looks like a hedgehog but hey, at least I have eyebrows now! While I was in America I felt healthier and stronger by the day as the distance from my last chemo grew bigger. I don't think I really knew how ill, tired and weak I was until I got strong again. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and once I could walk up the stairs without a tea break half way up (that did actually happen) I knew that I was really recovering.

Sometimes I think it is hard to stay positive while you are recovering because whilst everything about your health is improving from your hair to your bowels you look back at what you have done and think fuck that was huge and REALLY hard. Whilst I was ill, I just kept my head down and thought "Once more onto the breach my friends". I was so focussed on just getting through the day and managing a walk that I didn't register what was happening. Where as now I have all this time to sit and reflect while I sew some bees on a beautiful headband (get yours today! https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/BaldMove?ref=l2-shop-info-avatar&listing_id=751597755&ga_search_query=bald%20move) and I can't help but get a bit down by it all. For instance, while I was ill I really didn't care that I was bald but now I hate my hair even though all my lovely friends and family say it looks good. After doing some research I have found that it is very common to still feel down so it should be expected.

For me, I think it's because you are used to this huge supporting network of doctors and nurses and then that just stops. Also some of my relationships with friends and family members have changed. I really don't want to hold it against people that weren't there for me or didn't try to be but at the end of the day you feel let down and hurt especially from those who you thought would be there. I also have this massive worry of it coming back that lingers in the back of my mind like a sinister man in the shadows.

So there are the downer bits and I want to say to anyone that is experiencing those feelings after cancer you are not alone and I know people that have found the counselling at Maggie's extremely helpful.

So here are the good bits. I CAN NOW RUN 5K!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!! When I ran the first one in Croatia I cried and jumped in the sea (more like hobbled because the stones really hurt my feet). I said before about how amazing I think exercise is for cancer patients undergoing treatment or in recovery and I'll stand by it forever. You should all do it cancer or no cancer it makes you feel incredible (not while your running I have to say but after). I started running a month after my last chemo and gradually built it up with the couch to 5k plan. It was hard at first but if you follow the plan you should be fine. Also if you are finding one week hard then just go back to the last week, it's not a race.

Although I'm not a fan of how I look, I am pretty happy that I have hair generally and I've got lots of thick hair. For a while I used the grow gorgeous growth serum which I think helped get the ball rolling but I've fallen out of that habit and it's still growing well. It's been 3 months since my last chemo and I have a full head of hair about 3cm long. So fear not it does come back!

Generally my energy levels are through the roof - happy days. I can now go through a whole day without a nap - HELL YEA! I've been working double shifts in a pub and don't feel any worse than I did before I was ill. My energy reboot has been gradual and I only started working 3 months after chemo when I felt that I was ready and realised I need money aha.

Alongside working in a pub I have been continuing to sell Bald Move headscarves and headbands which have been a great success. I have been donating £5 to Trekstock and CLIC Sargent (£2.50 each) per product and over the past 2 weeks I have raised £125 in total. I want to thank anyone that has already supported me and bought one and let others know that they are the perfect Christmas present for any lover, sister or friend this year!

So what's next for Sophia?

I'm off to Meribel to work in the Rond Point behind the bar. So if you need me I'll probably be drinking wine and eating fondue! After that I'll come home and work to save up to travel India in the summer with my lovely friend Suzie. Then hopefully uni. I'm applying to Bristol, Manchester or UAL.

Here are my top tips on how to stay positive during recovery

1. Get your mates together and celebrate the huge thing you have just conquered!

2. Start any form of exercise whether that be walking, running, yoga or water polo!

3. Eat everything you weren't allowed to eat before - sushi never tasted SO GOOD

4. Plan something exciting for the future. Maybe travelling or just a holiday or a ski season.

5. Get a diary to filter through you thoughts.

6. if you are really struggling find some professional help.

7. Buy a Bald Move headband (cheeky sophia).

THANK YOU

Sophia xoxo